Bedtime Struggles

DAY 17

(May 19)

Last night I had a hard time sleeping. During the day, I feel pretty good about things but at night, my mind can tend to wander and start thinking about all the things people tell us regarding the very unsafe environment we are in. It’s one thing to feel like I’m in danger; it’s another to feel like I could be putting my kids in a dangerous environment. I prayed a lot and thought about the fact that “goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life.” No choice but to commit ourselves into His loving hands that are guiding us along each step. 

It also doesn’t help the sleeping situation when most nights our room ends up with 4 out of 5 children sleeping there. The interruptions are constant. Someone else coming in looking for a spot to sleep. Somebody coughing. Somebody snoring. Somebody scared. Somebody needing a blanket put back on. Somebody who thinks it’s time to get up for the day. Somebody peed through their pull-up (this one happens every night for P&P!) I’m hoping to start exercising again. I’ve only worked out once since we got here. I think this will help me sleep more soundly at night.

Adun spent the night on the couch again and stayed for the morning to help keep track of the littles. She is the perfect balance of loving/fun and firm/unbending… it’s exactly what the twins need. Having a third adult around is a game changer. For the morning, we were able to divide and conquer. Dave finally got to get some concentrated time for work. I was able to focus on Luke and Ben’s homeschooling while Adun kept the “triplets” occupied in another room. She’s not afraid to jump in and work with the children on their attitudes and behaviors. Her approach is so similar to ours, so it works out great because she just reinforces the things we’re already trying to teach them. I was laughing because it brought me back to when Luke and Ben were small and quite a handful. My sister Mary lived with us and I can remember so many times telling her how nice it was to have someone else there to say all the things I would say, “Don’t hurt your brother. You need to sit here until you finish your food. Try that again— ask politely this time.” etc. Sometimes it was nice to just get a break from saying the same things over and over again. I could just sit there in silence and let her handle things. I told Adun I feel like she’s my Mary here in Nigeria.

She asked me if I’d considered hiring a nanny while we’re here. I told her I’d love to, but it’s not something I feel we can jump into quickly. You have to be so careful who you let into your home. It feels like the whole city is out to extort us in some fashion. She totally understood and said she doesn’t even tell friends where she is going or what she is doing when she comes to stay with us. She validated that we can’t trust anybody. The only reason we hired her was because she was recommended by a friend of a friend who has a very trustworthy reputation. She said even when she leaves her house she watches her back constantly. She said you have to. She said she prays every time she goes out that God would keep her from evil people and allow her to encounter kind, well-meaning people as she does her business out in public. We asked her to let us know if there’s anyone she would trust that might be willing to come help us with the children a couple times per week. She knows that our most needy time period is the next two weeks before my dad gets here. Later in the day, she came back to us and said, “I’ve thought about it. I talked to the Holy Spirit and my husband. If it’s ok with you, I will plan to stay here from Tuesday-Saturday for the next two weeks. I will continue to shop and cook for you but will also help with the children.” Seriously, such a God send!

Guess I spoke too soon about peaceful bedtimes. Poor P&P lost it about 6:00 this evening. They were SO TIRED but SO MAD that I said we should go upstairs and go to bed. No matter what I tried, they wouldn’t stop wailing. I told them that I love them and at some point they’ll have to learn that I do what’s best for them. I said, I’m your mommy and I’m telling you it’s time for bed. You can scream as long as you have to, but sadly there is no other option. They were angry enough with me that they didn’t want me to lie in bed with them. So I just turned off the lights, made them get into bed, stood by the door and waited for awhile while they screamed. I told them that I wouldn’t leave. I would stay right there until they could settle down in sleep. P1 fell asleep fairly quickly. P2 put up a good, long fight. Eventually he stopped screaming and just sat up in bed staring at me. He then let me come lie down next to him. It was actually a very sweet moment with him. He was laying flat on his back with his arms over his head (as he often does when he’s sleeping). He was still awake but peaceful. He didn’t want to talk but he was fine with me talking to him. I put my face close to his and looked into his big beautiful eyes. I just tried to speak truths into him. I said things like "I’m sorry you were so upset. I’m sorry if you’re scared. I love you. I love you no matter what. When you’re screaming, I still love you. Dad and I think you're amazing. God made you very special. I’m your mommy and I will always be your mommy. I know you don’t want to go to bed but I can tell you are so tired. I want you to rest so you can feel good tomorrow and have another fun day together.” It was adorable. He didn't say anything but he also didn’t push me away. He kept his gaze on me as I talked. And every time I said something, he would nod his head as if to acknowledge what I was saying. Definitely not the bedtime process that I prefer, but I do believe with time, these things will help solidify things in their brain. Things like, mom and dad won’t leave me even when I’m screaming. Mom and dad won’t change their minds on things just because I throw a huge tantrum. Mom and dad love me and even when I don’t fully understand, sometimes they know what’s best for me.