Highs and Lows

DAY 34

(June 5)




We left home 5 weeks ago tomorrow. I’m not gonna lie… we’re feeling pretty weary. We feel “stuck” in many ways. We knew this was going to be a very challenging, stretching process but I have to admit— it’s been even more so than we thought. We expected to feel cooped up and stir crazy. We expected to have to exercise a lot of patience with the twins and with the African way of doing things. We expected the adoption process to be slow-moving and unpredictable. But these are the things we didn’t expect…




The city feels more unsafe than we anticipated. So much so that we rarely go out anywhere. Adun does most of our shopping. Dave will go out once a week to do some shopping as well— mostly just so he can get outside and stay sane. With the exception of moving from one apartment to the other (just down the street), I haven’t left our compounds for the last 2 weeks. Even if we felt like it was worth the safety risk to take the kids out to a restaurant or museum or something, it’s just too stressful with the twins and where they’re at with their behavior.




We thought we’d at least have a gym to use in order to get ourselves some physical activity. Unfortunately, that hasn’t been the case yet. Like I mentioned previously— at our first apartment, most of the gym equipment didn’t work plus the room smelled so strongly of spray paint that it was too overwhelming to spend much time in there. We were looking forward to the gym at our new apartment, especially because it has a stationery bike! However, in typical Nigeria fashion, the security guards can’t find the key to open the gym for us so we haven’t been able to use it. For now, I’ve been doing kickboxing videos and Dave has been running up and down the apartment stairs. (Makes me a little nervous that he’s going to injure something as he runs the very uneven, haphazardly designed African stairs!)




We knew the process would be long for this first trip. They estimated 8-12 weeks. We were prepared for that. However, we weren’t prepared for getting to this point and wondering WHY we are still here. We thought there would be more of an apparent purpose for being in-country. They tell us that we have to remain in country while we wait for the official court order, birth certificates, NIN and the twins’ passports but when we try to ask clarifying questions for our involvement in these steps, we aren’t given clear answers or legitimate reasons to still be here. When we adopted Luke from Ethiopia, we had to be present in court to legalize his adoption (which makes perfect sense) but then we were able to return to the U.S. while the rest of the documents were obtained and the U.S. immigration/ approval was completed. Before coming here, we figured it would become clear why we have to stay in-country post-legalization. But it’s very much NOT clear and that is starting to cause us some major frustration. We are hoping and praying for some clarification soon. If we better understand our purpose here, it will help our perspectives greatly as we continue the groundhog days of confinement with 5 little boys. And furthermore, it will help us as we make decisions for the logistics in the coming weeks. I think we have about 17 different scenarios for how we get everyone back home. Variations include sending some or all of the original boys back to Colorado with papa. Dave and I get the twins to Jos. Or to Abuja where someone from Jos can come get them. Dave and I stay to get them to Abuja for their passport appointment. Or we try to hire a friend to bring them from Jos to Abuja when it's time for their passport appointment. Or I join papa and the boys and go back to the U.S. early, leaving Dave with the twins in Nigeria. Or we send papa back home with some of our luggage and fly the whole family to Jos. Or Abuja. And travel back to Denver together. Anyways... you get the gist. Lots of options!




We are very thankful for this new apartment. We’ve been here for 4 days now. It felt like such a huge relief when we got here. It is hard to describe how much nicer it is than the previous one! It doesn’t have so many horrible smells and weird noises and creepy cockroaches and nasty towels and the creakiest doors you’ve ever heard. The AC works great. The electricity never goes off. There’s actually a real dining room table and chairs! It’s so much more private than the other place. We don’t feel “on display” like we did at the other apartment. The only real negative is that we are extra cooped up here. There is no outdoor playground/field like the first apartment had. There is an outdoor pool but it is under a roof so there’s really nowhere to go get some sunshine and it makes for freezing cold pool water.




And of course our other bright spot is having Papa here with us now!! It is such a blessing! We’re pretty sure that Papa will always be a Santa Claus figure to Peter and Zion because when he arrived he had 2 suitcases of things for us… shoes and blankies for the twins, lots of our favorite foods, some books and toys from family back home, etc. I’ve especially loved the Tillamook cheese, Cadbury chocolate and GF pretzels that he brought!




One more positive note to end on-- Dave and I decided that it's a good sign that we still like being with each other lol. That has been one of the perks of this crazy ride. We get to be together non-stop for weeks on end. I mean, we'd rather have concentrated time together in Hawaii or Europe or something but for now, Nigeria will do. Wouldn't rather be "stuck" like this with anyone else in the whole wide world!